Hot Air Balloon

I haven't seen many since

But I did today, driving home

It drifted across the Baltic blue

Like a comically large, rainbow-colored mote

In some giant's eye

For years

I've tried to forget

Tried to stop wondering

But as it likes, the world insists

In the first gentle bump of an elevator

Or the flirty lightness in my stomach

As I drive over a swell of road

I tell myself

I miss you less

Than that hot air balloon ride we never took

The day you dropped me, from us

Easy, like ballast

Now I'm forced to imagine

The grand balloon's deflated, nylon envelope

Folded and cold in some dark shed

Unused, like my dream’s own overstock

That summer, lying in my bed

And burning with hurt and anger

I resolved to save all my money

And buy a balloon of my own

One I could take out at will

To fly out over your house

And fire the flame as I pass

The frustrated snort and glare of an angry god

Casting an orange, hateful glow

Over your house

A super-imposed hellfire

To burn it down, with you inside

But then

I also imagine the stoked burner

How it would bathe my skin in heat

As your lips had once done

And I remember the hot rush of our breath

That together, made me buoyant

How beneath you, I had floated along, seemingly forever

Gliding low and smooth and effortless

Barely off the ground

Just one remove from reality, but enough

To make it abstract, and bearable

Me, you, and the unchanging blue above

And that ever gentle, sideways lift

Of real, longtime love